I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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