We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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