forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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