You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
