my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
