ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
