Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
