im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
