so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
