I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I deserve this hangover.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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