Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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