you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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