Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
