everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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