I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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