I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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