So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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