So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
