She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
