break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
