I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
