Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
