I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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