it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
