Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
