There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
