I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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