we have pet lesbian snakes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
