Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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