Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
