Im at strip club and am horny
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
