WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
