Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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