Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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