dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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