I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
