Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
