Barsexuality is the new black.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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