Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
