The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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