I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
