my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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