No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
