I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
