I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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