those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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