I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
