1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
