..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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