and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
