Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
