if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
