Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
