I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
