You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
