just tell him i said nine months
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
