woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
