hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She needs sedatives and a leash
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
