Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
