I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
3 2 1 whiskey
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
