I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize