then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
