I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
