Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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