How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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