it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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