She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
