He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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